My hippocampus is finally getting the message. The decrease in hyper-vigilance has helped me to relax and not get my undies in a bunch over any whisper of encroachment, exclusion, etc.
I figured out that the fits and starts related to really not wanting to have to go to all the people I've hurt and say I'm sorry. I've been not getting internal (and housekeeping) work done so I didn't have to move to the next step. But I've realized that I don't have to move to the next step until I'm ready, so the logjam has broken and I'm making progress.
It is amazing how much more I notice when I'm not waiting for someone to be mean to me. And how much less "weight" there is to simple occurrences.
Like this past Sunday in church. During the Passing of the Peace, a person shook the hands of those right next to me and then turned away. In the past, I would have been deeply wounded. This time I thought, "He probably didn't see me." Then he turned around and shook my hand too.
I'm realizing that I make myself suffer often by beating up on myself for not being perfect and for being angry at people for being mean or thoughtless. Need to work on that.
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