Fifty Years vs. Four Months

Hardly seems like a fair fight:

In this corner, we have fifty years of PTDS-generated habit, ways of acting and doing things that are meant to protect against the things that I never got the message were long past.  Don't even have to think about it, just do what comes "naturally."

In the other corner, we have four months of starting to see things differently, of realizing that everyone isn't out to get me, of occasionally being able to keep my mouth SHUT (not often), and consider how my reflexive actions have hurt others (more often), and seeing how wonderful it would be to be free of all this (constantly), yet getting tripped up yet again by the huge weight advantage that 50 years has over four months.

Not an easy fight....