Each year brings more balance and less writing here. There are more people in my life now and I do less preventative withdrawal than before. I'm also learning to deal with difficult people and even like them. I've also accepted that sometimes I am the difficult person. Humbling and helpful.
For the first time in my life, I actually believe people like me. That happened a couple of years ago through an incredible group of women in a Zumba class I've attended for years. One day, it just hit me: they liked me, they really liked me. Crossing the rubicon of regard has helped me grow and trust.
I also found another book that helped my healing: John Ratey's "Spark, the Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain." The data shows that exercise can help even out the emotional turmoil and bring peace. While PTSD is centered around the fight/flight reaction and the hippocampus misfire, exercise can reset all those markers to responsive mode instead of reactive mode. The more you exercise, the more often they get reset.
The other thing I've learned even more deeply is that God truly does work all things to the good (Romans 8:28). Life is perfect. We just have to figure out how. (Buddhist saying). We may not be able to see how things are perfect right now, but I believe one day we will.
I've learned is that I don't have to monitor others for mistakes or criticism. I can just be me. Putting down the role of judge and jury has been freeing.
So the new lessons are:
- Be Mindful: Inhabit every single second and pay attention. Don't inhabit the past or future.
- Be Thankful: Live in gratitude for all you love and all you have experienced.
- Be Kind: Show compassion, empathy and kindness to all you meet. Treat people as if they are special because we each are special and unique.
- Fight negativity: It is our natural state but we can re-wire our brain to be positive by savoring the good and luxuriating in our blessings.
