Introduction to Healing the Bullied Child/Adult

I thought I had dealt with all this.  Many  times I have worked on getting past the past but it keeps coming back.  "Something" will happen and I'm back in 4th grade, being told by two girls I had known most of my life that I wasn't allowed to be a part of Brownies because they didn't want me.

It sounds absurd that something that happened decades ago still rules my life, but this is my uncomfortable truth: when something happens that feels like that moment, I'm back at Vance Elementary School, in the hall outside my 4th grade class, ashamed and devastated.  

If that had been the only incident, I probably would have gotten over it, but it wasn't.  That was the prelude to years in a hell of being rejected, teased, bullied mercilessly, publicly, every school day.  I was too ashamed to tell anyone what was happening.

I would still be in that place, living a rondo form life, except for three things: Kelle Hampton's writings, a dear friend's comment, and a connection I made because of these two incredible women.

1. Kelle Hampton: I started this blog because Kelle Hampton's beautiful book "Bloom" and her blog gave me the hope and courage to begin to speak about what was for years unspeakable, except to close friends.  Kelle's brave facing of the difficult truth of Nella's Down syndrome, her living with the pain, then learning and growing gave me hope that I could face my truth and move beyond it and heal.
2. A Life-Changing Comment: When I was triggered last year, a dear friend made a life-changing comment, "You know, Gail, that sounds like a PTSD response." (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)  The light went on in my head, the angels sang, and there was hope.  Massive amounts of fear, but also hope.
3. A Connection: After sitting with the uncomfortable truth, armed with the courage to start therapy and healing, I suddenly realized something: when I get triggered, I often kick people out of my life before they have a chance to kick me out.

For the first time, I have courage from #1, an idea of what happens(#2), and somewhere to start(#3).

Now I begin.  I've got a new therapist, some helpful books, and a new spiritual advisor.   I'm scared and apprehensive because I've kicked so many people out of my life.  I don't want to put a strain on the few friendships I have left so I'm seeking and finding new avenues of connection and friendship.  And perhaps writing here can help someone else.

I will be posting some things that could disturb those who have been bullied.  I will be sure to note that at the top of the post so my past trauma doesn't trigger another bullied child or adult.