- I wish my mother had not denied the bad things that happened to me. To be fair to her, I'm not sure I would have told her even if I hadn't had that early experience of her denying what had happened to me. I was very ashamed of the girls not wanting me in Brownies and of all the kids doing the mean things to me in 5th and 6th grade. I may not have said anything. So that brings me to the second point.
- I wish I had told ANY adult what was happening but I was too ashamed to do it.
- I wish an adult had done something CONSTRUCTIVE to help me. It wasn't as if no one knew. My fifth grade teacher knew what happened and she yelled at the kids and told me she was sorry, but that only made things worse on the playground and any place away from the teachers.
- I wish I had even talked to friends about it. I did have a few. But once again, I was too ashamed.
- I wish I had found out about PTSD sooner. My life might have been different.
So how can a parent or teacher help? These are just my ideas of what I would have liked from an adult:
- LISTEN without interrupting to what the child has to say. Ask quiet, gentle questions.
- PRAISE the child for having the courage to come talk to you.
- CONFIRM that no one should be treated that way.
- ASK if there is something they specifically want you to do or NOT do; negotiate if needed, but don't promise to not do something if you don't intend to honor that promise.
- ROLE PLAY with them to help them stand up to the bullies. Practice it until the child can easily handle the situation.
- Use sentences like "I don't like being treated that like." Telling bullies they are bad is not a winning solution. Don't argue with them.
- Encourage the bullied to walk away, if possible.
- If threatened, scream as loud and long as possible. They may get teased about screaming, but it will stop the bullies in most instances.
I hope this helps someone. Just writing it has helped me.
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