Bricks and Balloons

I find that looking at the same thing from a different perspective can help deepen my understanding, whatever the topic might be.  This is especially useful with PTSD since the condition can cause you to miss certain aspects and exaggerate others.  A favorite set of questions returned to me recently:

1. What are the bricks I'm weighing me down? Bricks are things that impede growth/progress, making both more difficult.


• Hidden compulsions of PTSD:  I catch myself doing/saying/thinking something inappropriate because of past events that have nothing substantive to do with today, other than the fact that my limbic system thinks they do.
• Truths that I'm hiding: Things that are uncomfortable to see.
• Lies that I'm telling myself: The window dressing I put up to hide the truths.
• Inertia/Resistance: There is a part of me that doesn't want to change.


2. What are the balloons that are lifting me up? Balloons are the things that improve the likelihood of change/growth and are often catalysts or comforts along the way.


• Knowing it isn't my fault.  While I still struggle with self-recrimination for things, I no longer blame myself for not being able to "get over" what happened to me as a child.
• The ability to see what I'm doing.  The puppeteer is no longer invisible. It is known and a known enemy can be defeated.


3. How has this changed? This has three components: timeframe, what changed, and the impact of the change.


•  A year ago, I was just beginning to realize that something was wrong and get a glimpse that it might not be my fault.
• Now I am getting help and at least see what I'm doing wrong, even if I can't always do what is right.
• There is hope for the future.  Having made some steps forward, I've courage to keep trying.