Hope and Healing

The time between my posts is getting longer because I'm healing.  Although my PTSD triggers may always have some pull on me, I've moved from the survival mode hell of assuming the worst into a more considered life that has the possibility -- trending to the likelihood -- that everyone doesn't hate me and want to embarrass me or hurt me.  On good days, I even manage to appreciate others and enjoy their company without being on edge, waiting for the cruelty. There were two experiences that were key to the progress I've made a news article and a positive role model. 

The Article
 
The news piece was about a new book  Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence.  The article was an interview with the author.  The part that touched me  profoundly was a discussion of how our brains evolved to focus on the negative for purposes of survival.  Our ancestors HAD to focus on the negative because identifying threats -- predators, hazards, etc. -- and reacting to them was critical to survival.  While food, shelter, and procreating were essential in the long term, there was always tomorrow for those things.  If they missed a threat, there might not be a tomorrow.

While this may seem obvious to you, it touched me deeply.  My PTSD had simply amped up the volume on a tendency that came naturally.  EVERYONE has a tendency to do this, it was just that my instincts were in overdrive.  Somehow, that gave me peace: it wasn't my fault; everyone dealt with this to a lesser degree.  I was finally able to let myself off the hook a bit more.  There was a part of me that was blaming myself that just let go of the blame.

The Role Model

The second experience was meeting a person who seems to view every encounter with others as a treat.  The person seems SO GLAD to see each person and genuinely interested in the person in front of them.  I saw how people reacted to that welcome, coupled it with the article and it was revelatory: people felt SAFE.  There was nothing to get their instincts riled up.  They relaxed, opened up, and enjoyed their interaction.

This experience made me realize that my hyper-vigilence wasn't just exhausting for me, but also for those around me.  How much more pleasant life is when you truly enjoy those around you. 

Life is SO much better enjoying those around you.